We Remember Caylee Marie Anthony

We Remember Caylee Marie Anthony
Last Photo of Caylee: 6.15.08

Monday, May 19, 2008

Cabbage Patch Babies Lead to Delinquents And Oh, the Duggars Are Having Number 18

Yes, I am sure you have all heard by now that Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar are expecting their 18th child. Yes, 18. I'll give you a minute to get up off the floor.

Back? Good. Hope you didn't hurt yourself. The hoo-doo started about 2 weeks ago when the Duggar's started gracing all the early morning news shows. I have thought about blogging about the whole thing, but I was too busy reading everyone else's great posts. Between the Duggar's bottomless uterus and Kathie Lee airing her obscenely arrogant and ignorant opinions about mommy bloggers. The week was full of confusion, madness and mommy bloggers gearing up like B J Penn gettin' ready to take down Sean Sherk. (UFC tomorrow night..be there)

I have watched the shows on the Duggar family. I didn't quite get it then, and I have to admit, I don't get it now. Even less, now that there are going to be 18. I don't see the point of it.

To each his own, and judge not lest thy be judge, so I'll throw the first stone. First of all, not that it really has anything to do with it, but what is up with the clothes? I know it would take a fortune even at Wal-Mart (and I'm not knocking Wal-Mart)-my kiddos wore many Garanimals and Kid Connection in their day - Is it part of their religion? They always seem so "perfect". Almost robot like. They smile on cue, they speak only when spoken to, and play their muscial instruments with glee. (oh to have a child like that) .. heh

I do, however, have a problem with the older children being used as babysitters. I know children need discipline and to help out. Mine have chore lists. But I didn't have them to be my own personal servants. I just think there should be a cut-off point somewhere.

According to their website , after their marriage, Jim Bob and Michelle were not ready for children (!!) so Michelle went on the pill. They wanted to have children on their time table. They state they could not afford them at that time. (it costs more now!) Four years later, Michelle went off the pill and had their first child. Michelle went back on the pill, conceived, then miscarried. During their time of mourning, they sought out a Christian doctor, they read the "fine print" on the package insert of the birth control pill. The same ones Michelle had been taking this entire time and found, to their dismay, that birth control pills can cause miscarriage. This was a revelation for the two of them. "They are Christians" they proclaimed, "We are pro-life". They said God was punishing them for their selfish choices in using birth control. Michelle went off of birth control for good, right then and there. They prayed to God for children, in His timing. So it began. To fornicate to procreate.

The Duggar's always say God will provide for them. Didn't their town and neighbors provide their first home for them and a lot of the things they needed at the time? Did God provide that? Depends on how you look at it I suppose. Did God provide the cable documentaries, five (5) that I have found. Did God provide the paid television appearances on all the talk shows, including Jimmy Kimmel Live. something about them being on Kimmel is comical to me..hate it that I missed that one. Did God provide all the Ladies Home Journal covers and articles through the years and all of the other media outlets they have been seen and heard on. Did God provide this for them? No. Their unusual situation of 17 children provided them the opportunity.

Duggar's Donated Family Home

That's the problem I have with it. We are a family of 4.2 and in this day and time it is almost as draining financially as it is physically to keep up with their demands, and they are teens. I can only imagine families of 5 or more.
There are a lot of layers to this whole scenario and it is, if nothing else, fascinating to me. The attention to the children, quality vs. quantity, guilt issues and depression Michelle must face. I had PPD after both of my children. I can't imagine Mrs.Duggar being all that rosy after being pregnant for 11 years of her life. I still do not think she has went all this time without a BAD DAY. I also wonder about their future issues such as schooling and college education. Not to mention her age when the last one goes into college. Especially if they keep having children.

Duggar Family Bus

Michelle is always so soft spoken in her interviews. She almost shows child like qualities. This is a fine line here so I want to be very careful. She has said herself that the doctors have told her not to have anymore children, but she laughs it off and has said and I quote, "...they do not know my body like I do." Let's use common sense here. A woman is not made to have 18 children. Plain and simple. The End.
I didn't want to bring God into this. I have my own relationship with God. I am a Christian woman and pray each day, if only a "Thank you, Lord, for this day you have given me. Bless my children, family and everyone today." I believe that if you believe in Him, there is a beautiful place where we will go when we pass on, and I believe Hell is a terrible place that I don't want to visit. Even though some days, I feel like I have been there and back. With that said, I do not think God is whispering to Michelle Duggar and telling her to birth all of these kids. Nor do I believe He has chosen Michelle to perform this, I almost want to say, "ridiculous" feat.

Jim Bob, however, seems nice enough, but something about him bothers me. Maybe he smiles too much for me. Not that I have anything against smiling, but these people smile 24/7. Watch them. Jim Bob seems to have an underlying controlling side to him. Maybe it is my past psych classes haunting me, I just can't help but wonder if he is pressuring Michelle into this. Like I said too many layers.

I believe these children will not leave home, they will live their lives as their parents see fit and not have their own vision of the world or of what they want from life. The oldest child is now 20 years old. The older children are at home taking care of the younger children. The older girls talk about the younger girls as if they are their own. How they get them dressed and teach them and play with them. What has happened to the older children's childhoods? Did they have one? They will always remember their mother having a new baby every year. Think about it. Children are not meant to raise children. I feel for the older children. I think they have not had a childhood as your child or my children have had. They seem happy and jolly on the outside, but what about the inside?

Do they really want to play music on Oprah or the next talk show that comes along?

Will staying home to help out a large family hinder the older kids? Has it already?
I heard where the oldest have went to, instead of college, to a 9-5 job, to help support the family.

The following is from the website "Financial Freedom". The cult religion Jim Bob pushes all day.

The remarks in blue are my own remarks and opinions.

From the website "Financial Freedom":

Should my child get a job?

At an early age, children should start learning the value of money. This is best done when they accomplish task in return for rewards. During their early years, value can be taught with relatively simple task and small rewards. As they grow older the jobs should become more demanding and the rewards larger.
With the abundance of domestic task available in most families, working outside of the home is not always necessary. (especially when you have 18 children)

However, children need to also have domestic responsibilities (chores) that are unpaid. For example, a child might be assigned to keep their room clean and made up daily. They might also take the trash out, care for a pet, do the laundry or help with kitchen duties during meal times. (Isn't that the entire purpose behind chores? To get paid?) Then for extra paying jobs, they might clean out the garage or attic, wash cars or do lawn work. They might also offer to wash neighbors cars, do lawn work or baby sit. (And the children do this after the household chores are finished, their homework completed, and Mom is birthing babies and Dad is.......... doing what?)

Should I buy my child a car when they get their driver's license?
Most young people in their teens wait anxiously for that special birthday when they turn sixteen (some states may have a different age limit to obtain a drivers license). It's a time of increased mobility, freedom and from a parental perspective, responsibility.

But is it a time for parents to present their young teens with the keys to their very own auto?
In a majority of American middle to upper class families, an auto is standard issue with each new driver's license. I believe the problem exist(typo) not with the fact that an additional auto is added to the family fleet (fleet? I don't know about you, but I'm far from having a fleet) but the issue of ownership. When children are unemployed, they are unable to "own" items that require money to operate and maintain. When a child is conditioned to believe that a particular auto is "theirs" yet they have no financial obligations (maintenance, gas, insurance, etc.), they lose the proper perspective of the value of a dollar.

Still from "Financial Freedom": Blue is direct quote from website, smaller print is my opinion.

The child may use a particular car from the family fleet more than another but needs to know that all of the cars belong to the parent. (I, myself do not own a "family fleet" of cars.) It might even be a good idea to insure that your young driver drives all of the family cars periodically to discourage (i want to discourage my child?)the concept of ownership. When a child is given ownership to an expensive item such as an auto without the financial responsible,(typo) it becomes increasingly difficult for them to identify with the reality associated with auto ownership. (No, they just get to pick a car of their choice from the family fleet.)
The problem facing most young people is two fold. First, their world is filled with an endless supply of distractions from reality and secondly, most parents are so busy in their own lives that they normally don't have time (or make the time) to provide the necessary coaching required to help their children focus on future professional dreams and opportunities. This is why many children default to following in their parents footsteps or opt for the first thing that comes along in the way of employment.
(Birthing a multitude of children and taking handouts from neighbors and churches.)

Michelle and Jim Bob are real estate agents and most of their income is from a get rich scheme of buying and selling property fast. We all know the economy is bust right now. The kicker in this is that Jim Bob handles all the finances while Michelle pops out babies. This Seminar Jim Bob is peddling is a financial seminar, sells for $125 and comes with a "Men's Manual" (what???) a Men's Manual??? For background purposes, Jim Bob cancelled his appointment for a loan several years ago when he ran into the founder of this Financial Freedom Seminar. We are not talking about Suze Orman or Dave Ramsey here. All the links can be found on their website. The founder, Jim Sammons, was on the verge of bankruptcy and now sells his videos and "Men's Manual" and is an established real estate developer in the Dallas area. Something makes me think Jim Bob and Michelle are on his payroll somehow.

The Duggar's are Conservative Baptists who endorse the teachings of Bill Gothard, who claims to have dedicated his life to helping teenagers and their parents. Gothard is relatively unknown outside his gilded realm. He rarely speaks to the press and photos of him are hard to find. He heads an Institute in Basic Life Principals, generally thought of as a cult, which teaches, among other things, “married believers should eschew birth control and have as many children as possible.” Easy for him to say. He is unmarried and has no children. He is quite a character. Heh.

Would love to hear your comments and opinions on this matter.

edited 5/23/08: content added


Supermum said...

I heard about this family a while back and I came to the same conclusion as you did. The older ones aren't getting a life of their own.

My husband and his ex had 7 kids together and he was her primary carer as she was disabled. Trouble was, she was allergic to latex so they couldn't wear condoms.

Rather than her doing something about it, or even him, they had 7 kids together. The eldest always had to help out and I always felt sorry for them and managed to put a stop to it but the damage was done.

If it can happen with just 7 kids, I hate to think what happens with 17.

Oh, and in regards to her baby dropping ability?

To put it crudely, she must have a chuff like a wizards sleeve by now. It's a wonder they stay in their for the whole 9 months... O.o

Krista said...

Interesting thoughts. I guess I'm generally someone who takes things at face value.
I have some friends with larger families (6 kids) and I've always admired them. It doesn't seem like the kids have lost anything by having responsibilities around the house. If anything it seems like they are way more mature and well rounded than the kids who never have to do anything. Part of the reason I'm hoping for 4 myself. And I don't think everyone gets PPD either.
I haven't watched any of the shows, but just read stuff online (we don't have a TV) so I don't know what their body language might be communicating.
I do wonder how they pay for everything and still manage to be debt free. And it does seem a little absurd that they plan to keep having kids.
But I don't think their kids are any worse off than others. They're probably a lot healthier for living in their family community rather than dealing with all the crap that is in our modern culture.
And because they are a "special" instance they will have different talents to bring to the table of our society. I'm guessing that at least a few of them will go on to really great things!

spoiledmom said...

@supermum: Well put! I do admire large families, but I just do not see how they do it. To each his own, I guess. Love your last comment..

@Krista: I hope you have four healthy beautiful children. Like I said, I admire anyone that can take that on. I would have probably had at least one more if not for the cancer. But there is a cut-off point somewhere. The children you speak of being well rounded and mature is they have to be. With that many children, (as in the Duggar case)they have to grow up faster than a child from a smaller family. They miss out on "child"hood. They have to pitch in to help because Mom is not available to do all the housework because she is either nursing or bottle feeding, diaper changing, feeding the toddler in the highchair, and so on and so on. Someone has to get the chores done. I believe in chores with out a doubt! I think it most certainly builds responsibility and respect and character. However, I believe the chores should be age appropriate and not to the point where the child or children as a whole are doing all the housework.
My children are just fine from living in the "modern culture". Parenting is what you make it. Society is built by corporations and businesses vying for your attention and money to make you and/or your child "the" coolest parent and/or child. Parenting is knowing not to give in to these indulgences and use them as babysitters. It is okay to allow your child to have today's gadgets to help keep them up to date with the technology of tomorrow. That said, my kids do not have every Ipod, Itouch, or Iphone out there. They get their touches from me through hugs and their knowledge and information from dinner conversation, as well as any other time they want to talk. I think that you do not have to deprive a child of the technology out there, but you do have to monitor their use and make sure the child knows it is not a "babysitter", and that you are the parent they can come to for anything. My children have some really great teaching games that I even play with them that has a vast amount of knowledge and also encourages another form of family time.
I respect your views and they are well documented. I like that we can have different perspectives and yet see eye to eye on the same topic. Such as how they do manage to pay for all they have. I think they rely a little too much on the community for things and I really do not understand their "religion" practices, nor do I care to. Again, best wishes to you and your family!

Supermum said...

I love the update Spoiled Mom!

First he says that you should encourage your child to be demanding by offering them money in return for doing chores and then, when he gets to the subject of cars, he says you should discourage it!

I wish he'd make up his mind!

If you did hings his way, you'll have spoiled your brats and made them into little monsters who won't do anything unless money is on the table and then expects you to sort out the aftermath of the spoiling.

The man is clearly an idiot.

Threeundertwo said...

First, this reminds me of one of my favorite Flikr pictures: http://www.flickr.com/photos/skyzyx/249270409/

Secondly, when I think of these kids, I have to wonder how much time either parent spends talking with them on any given day. To me that's the most heartbreaking aspect. Too many kids means too little mommy time. It must get lonely.

spoiledmom said...


THANK YOU for listing the link to that picture. I soooo wanted to post it but I didn't want to spend all day deleting....LMAO

Although, it is MY blog!

I sent it to supermum cuz she just gets off on stuff like that. LOL

You made my day! Thanks for visiting!

Remember Caylee

Song: "Mad World" Gary Jules "I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad. The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had.. It's a mad, mad world.." Video courtesy Sean Krause '08 Sleep Well Friend, Justice for Caylee has finally begun ~SM 6.23.11

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