We Remember Caylee Marie Anthony

We Remember Caylee Marie Anthony
Last Photo of Caylee: 6.15.08

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Summer is a commin'

Blogger's Unite Day 2008
Love thy Neighbor
Make Peace Not War

I love this time of year. I say the same thing when Fall rolls around, and I love that season, as well. But there is something about Spring turning into Summer that brings out the child in all of us. I think it is the newness of things. The rebirth of it all. The green, the colors, the scents, the youth.

A few years ago, I was in a deep depression over the sudden death of my husband. After just six months, I quit my job to stay home with my children again. They were 7 and 5 at the time. All of those years seem like a blurr to me now. I know I was in great pain. I remember the pain and the depression. Now, however, I feel like I missed out on a few years of my daughters' lives. After my husband's death, the holidays I loved so much, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's, quickly came and went. I could not tell you to this day what happened or what I did. Depression has a way of flipping a switch in your mind, erasing all the pain, all the feelings. You do not know it at the time, but later on, when you have come out of the fog, you realize just how much you have missed out on. Everything that passed you by.

So many good summer memories were made at the home my husband and I shared with our children. The Little Tykes gigantic blue boat wader pool, the turtle sandbox, the swing set, the tree swing. My flower gardens. The cookouts we had with our neighbors. I didn't want it to end. Sadly, it did. I packed everything up December of 2004 and sold my home, our home. I could not stand to be there any longer without my husband. I felt the good times were gone. Depression took hold of me. It was worse than the cancer had been a few years earlier. With it being Christmas, I knew I could not get into a new home right that moment. I did not want to settle for the first thing I found.

I found a modest rental while I looked for something to purchase. My mistake was telling the homeowners that it was only temporary. They locked me into a one year lease. I hated the house. It was too small. It was half of my old house. I had to pay an extra $150 a month for a storage building just for the furniture and belongings that would not fit into the house. This did nothing for my depression. I felt as if I failed my daughters. They lost their Dad, their Mother was not herself and I had yanked their home away from them. They had to make new friends, start a new (yet as schools go, one of the best in the county). The elementary school had once been listed as one of the top 100 in the US.

As thankful as I was for having a home, I was still depressed that I could not provide the best for my kids. I hate to admit it, but I was ashamed. I barely made it through the year's lease and when it was up, I quickly started looking for a new home. Our home. A new start. Several could have been the one, but one I was too late on, another, the people accepted someone else's offer and the other turned out to be more work than I wanted to put into. I wanted a turn-key. I was not planning on going anywhere. I didn't care about upgrading later.

Finally, in May of 2005, I found it. Our beautiful home. It was not our old home, but it was us. A two year old, four bedroom, 3 and a half bath, large great room, awesome master bedroom with bathroom. A glorious, large eat in kitchen. (so what if there was not a dinning room), and a rocking mud room with laundry off the back deck. We were home. Again.

I think that is why I love the spring/summer seasons again. It brings back memories of life to me. I will always love fall. Most certainly will cherish and love Christmas, the birth of Jesus. But I give thanks each spring and summer for giving me life back.

Now, my family dries into our subdivision with the belief that God has placed us here, in this house, in this neighborhood, for this season of our lives to be the aroma of Christ to those who live close to us (2 Corinthians 2:15). We know our neighborhood is more than just an address. It has united us to spend more time together and to get to know our neighbors, caring for them and spending time with them. The neighbors and I walk our dogs together. We have cookouts together and my children have made friendships that I hope will last their lifetime. I have also found someone special in my life. Again.

Take time to get to know your neighbors, plan activities in your neighborhood to bring you closer together. Find a family to build a relationship with to fellowship with and start new memories of your own.

spoil yourself....

take cookies to a neighbor for no reason, it feels good.

1 comment:

Jennifer said...

Thank you so much for visiting my blog and leaving a nice comment!

I love the spring/summer time. Sometimes I can't decide which is my favorite. Just the feeling of fresh and new things all around is so wonderful.

Thanks for the lovely post.

Remember Caylee

Song: "Mad World" Gary Jules "I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad. The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had.. It's a mad, mad world.." Video courtesy Sean Krause '08 Sleep Well Friend, Justice for Caylee has finally begun ~SM 6.23.11

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